At some points in our lives, we begin to realize that some of the strategies we've been using no longer effectively meet our needs. We may feel anxious, sad, mad, and frustrated. It can lead to tantrums, outbursts, isolating, excessive drinking, excessive shopping, and other strategies that may create conflict (bump up against other strategies). Lately I've been looking at life transitions through the lens of Nonviolent Communication, the Enneagram, mindfulness, and emotion coaching. It seems to me that toddlers, teenagers, and mid-lifers, share this potential for attachment to ineffective strategies. When you reach mid-life while parenting a toddler and a teenager, it can create an interesting combination of strategies and emotional reactions to the unmet needs. I find that compassion for myself and others, differentiation between who we are and the strategies we use, and an understanding of our unique personality patterns can ease the transition. We can recognize what we have in common. We each have beautiful needs for choice, competence, being seen for who we are, connection, love, and respect. In the spirit of mutuality and creativity, we can empathize with each other about our feelings and needs and we can discover new strategies. I think that the principles and practices of the resources I mentioned above guide us more gently through these transitions, with more connection, authenticity, ease, and harmony.
Grace in, peace out, and gratitude for the spiritual teacher that introduced these resources to me through his Ordinary Life class at St. Paul's, Dr. Bill Kerley. (see link below)
For practices based in a combination of these resources visit key2peace.com