i sit

I sit with pain

a 4 yr old’s protest
a collection of
every dismissed

a son’s realization
that changes
carefully cultivated

a teen’s
to see the point
of any of it

I survive the pain

I sit still long enough
for the pain to catch up
I sit still enough to
know the mystery
of love within

I resist the urge to
make it my tantrum
make it my acceptance
make it my depression

I say just enough

go ahead
kick and scream
but not at me

go ahead
grieve the loss of
who your friends want you to be

go ahead
mourn the absence of
the light you cannot see

you do not choose these
they choose you

ignored pain magnifies
ask me how I know

I meet you in the moment
I do not diminish
I do not cower
I do not take it from you
I do not live through it for you
I focus on my love for you
I focus on my faith in you

we do not

I witness
I hold
I breathe
I love
I stand under
I sit beside
I watch you fall

tears and tissues cascade
last rush of grief releases
shoulders drop
belly softens

a grief finally released
a smaller self

I watch you rise