Think of an ill feeling and thought you have carried about someone else and think of their action separately from who they are. Guess the strategy they used and the need they were attempting to meet. Think of a time when you had the same need unmet.
In the study of Nonviolent Communication we look at the behaviors as strategies. They are simply ways we attempt to get a need met. These strategies do not define who we are. We also accept that we are all doing the best we can with the strategies we know.
Example: This other person may keep offering alternative suggestions to mine because she is trying to meet her need for contribution. Instead of thinking she is making these suggestions because I'm not good enough. I will consider that she is wanting contribution. I also really value contribution.
Here is a list of needs to assist in guessing the need behind another's action.