The reason I'm glad I meditated because I would have probably been very defensive about the "didn't have enough time for" part of the question instead of really hearing the whole question. I thought about this for a while. Then finally put it together in my mind in a way that I really needed to hear. "I can't really explain logically why we wanted a 3rd child, or why it took 7 years for us to have her. I feel like she was just suppose to be here. It really made no sense financially or from time management perspective. Something just kept tugging at me to not give up. She, like you and your brother, were suppose to be here."
As those last words came from my mouth, I realized that I needed to say those words out loud and it shifted something in me around what my role in her life might be. I had been harboring feelings of guilt about pushing for her to be here. As a mom of a toddler and older siblings, I felt guilty for splitting up my time, for the financial burdens from hospital bills, and pretty much carrying responsibility for any and every riff in the family peace that might have cropped up since her birth. It feels a bit weird to say this out loud, but my guess is, I'm not the only mom that has carried this burden.
After Link asked me this powerful question, I took the time to really look at the answer. It made me more mindful of setting aside one on one time with each child. It also allowed me to let go of the unnecessary burden and warmly embrace the gift of being the channel that supported her intention. I've always felt blessed to have her, but somehow wasn't free from the guilt enough to really live in the blessing 100%. What if each and every one of us were able to know that we are here with intention, as gifts to each other, as pure love and perfect energy. We are caregivers, guardians, more than protectors, even more than teachers AND less than all of these so that we can each be open enough to discover what our intention is and realize our potential from that place.
Grace in, peace out