I Don't Avoid My Children's Pain

I don’t avoid my children’s pain
I sit with it

a 4 yr old’s protest
an explosion of
unprocessed feelings

a son’s realization
that changes carefully
cultivated friendships

a teen’s inability
to see the point
of any of it

I sit still
the pain catches up

I sit still to know
the mystery of love within

I resist the urge to

make it my tantrum
make it my acceptance
make it my depression

I say

go ahead
kick and scream
but not at me

go ahead
grieve the loss of
who your friends want you to be

go ahead
mourn the absence of
the light you cannot see

you do not choose these
pain chooses you

ignored pain magnifies
ask me how I know

I meet you in the moment

I do not cower
I do not take it from you
I do not live through it for you

I focus on my love for you
I focus on my faith in you

we do not

deny
distract
dismiss

I witness
I hold
I breathe

I love
I stand under
I sit beside

I watch you fall

tears and tissues cascade
last rush of grief releases
shoulders drop, belly softens

a grief finally released

the smaller self destroyed

I watch you rise

Brooke Summers-Perry, 2018

spark #336