I want to start by saying that I share this in hopes it inspires healing in another. I am not requesting support. It is because my needs have been addressed that I am healed enough to share this without bitterness.
I enjoy painting and allowing myself to let go of my insecurities so I can express emotion and accept imperfection and a lack of control. This hasn't always been the case. Recently during a retreat we focused on the words humility, fluidity, and gentility. When I was younger, I was a dancer, a gymnast, and an artist. I had the support from my parents to follow my heart and play through these various forms of expression and fluidity.
Midway through my Masters program in architecture, I had a professor critique one of my projects as "the ugliest project I have ever seen." I was devastated. Recently I realized how deeply that effected my spirit. After graduation, I worked within architecture always feeling that I would be a supporter of another designer. I did that by drawing other's designs, photographing (appreciating) other's work, choosing colors and finishes that enhanced other's work, or directing or critiquing other's work from the client side.
I am now taking watercolor painting classes. At this point in my journey, I am in a supportive, spiritual community. This is allowing me to slowly express more creatively. While it may not seem difficult, I tentatively share on facebook and on this blog more and more vulnerably through art and writing. I am beginning to fully embrace what we focused on during that retreat, humility, fluidity, and gentility.
I am learning to let the expressions be whatever they are, imperfect, novice, girly, whatever they are and my soul is healing. Through the lens of sacred mystery, creator of the soul, I've always been creative, capable, good enough and loved, and so are you.
Grace in, peace out.