Self empathy today

I find that when I work most on this blog is when I most need to be focused on using these tools.   This morning, I was particularly impatient with our 2 1/2 year old who is potty training.  I was not able to readily bring up the simple requests, calm mindfulness, nor was I able to refrain from spreading and projecting my frustrations around the house.  I made some heartfelt apologies, did a hugging meditation with the child I feel I mistreated
the most, and made a simple request to have a few minutes to myself while dad took the kids into church.  I choked back tears all the way to church, after I dropped off the three kids and dad, I parked the car.  I remembered the self empathy challenge I posted yesterday.  I tried to think of all the unmet needs that could be behind my frustration, anger, sadness, and disappointment.  I knew there were many so I took out my notepad and wrote down all the needs I could think of that were clearly unmet.  As I wrote them down, I tried to remember times when those needs were met, or visualize them getting met.

I love when my need for rest, support, mutuality, respect, ease, clarity, autonomy, predictability, authenticity and empathy are met.  I felt better and I was able to go into class and be attentive to the lesson.  I plan to make simple doable requests of myself and others to get those needs met.  

I am starting with authenticity by writing this blog post.  I want to be clear that I don't have the answers, I don't have things figured out.  I write this blog to maintain practice, share resources, and share my struggles.  If my sharing helps you find tools to live more in line with your values, to quickly forgive your actions and practice more loving ways with yourself, those around you and beyond, then it is worth the risk of sharing my story of joys and struggles.  I am not an expert in any of the tools I post here.  I am a student.  I'm sharing my notes.  Just because I take good notes every now and then, doesn't mean I pass the tests.  I am hoping to become a more calm, centered test taker because if I'm lucky, this class will continue for many many years.