being extra

being extra

I may be the definition of “extra.”

When I need to sit and read a book,
I think I need to write one.

If I did write one, you might begin to
understand why I am so extra.

The more I paint and write and try
to save the world, the more
I reflect on where it all came from and
what it’s all for.

This drive, this passion, that was
sparked by desperation and a
need for self-validation,
but after some deconstruction and
further reflection has shaped into
the same actions but fueled by
grounded and self-loving motivation.

No matter how much I practice mindfulness and meditation,
I am at my core born out of and into being ‘extra.’
And to evolve beyond myself into still and calm
is to invite myself to be someone I am not and
out of the longing to be in full integrity and authenticity,

I can NOT be still and silent

Although that kind of light is
exactly what fuels me and defines me.

I am called to be this LOUDLY

in a time and space that needs to be LOUD to
invite folks into stillness and silence and this is
what I am called to do because I am ME,
little, barn-raised, simple country me
in a time and space where just about anything else is
perceived as bigger and better.

This is not what I see when I long for possibility,

I see the light, the longing, the love buried
under the glitz and glamour; the bigger, the better,
the drive and dreams a house of cards built
on top of the simple, silent source.

I don’t want to turn tables and knock down stacks,
I want to fuel the sparks that serve the source.
I want to play among the string of lights our
little filament, the spirits masked with human globes
the party lights which glow together mirroring,
the galaxies. We don’t have to be so far from these.

We have the ability to be
among it, with it, and aware of our part in it.
If we all light up our little lights, our love would

Be just the extra we need. Let’s party.