Self Empathy

Try emergency self empathy.  Every time you can recognize your body's signals that you have unmet needs, stop and tell yourself, "I really enjoy when that need is filled." 
Example:  When I get home with our boys from school and I want relaxation and peace and they start arguing, I want to scream at them.  My heart starts racing, my shoulders get tight.  I can recognize those body alerts and say to myself, "I love it when there is peace and harmony.  I enjoy meeting my need for relaxation when I get home".  When I have used this process, a couple of different things have happened.  Sometimes the boys work out their differences and begin to relax while I am giving myself empathy.  Other times, I am able to calmly tell them how I value relaxation and peace when we get home. When I don't remember this tool, I end up throwing fuel on the fire.  

If you are deeply and authentically connecting with yourself, it is about empathizing with your own feelings and needs.  If you find yourself saying this as an attempt to motivate others to do something, do this process internally until you can calmly and creatively collaborate on actions, feedback, or clarity that can be requested, not demanded, of others.