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Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication

Brooke Summers-Perry

Please visit the official Nonviolent Communication website
http://www.cnvc.org/Training/NVC-Concepts

What if we could understand ourselves and each other on the basis of equality, understanding our common needs, reacting to each other with open hearts and open minds, bringing a spirit of reconciliation to every conflict?

Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication concepts/books are the best tools I've found for unlocking the ability to walk in others' shoes and to walk in our own with more compassion and understanding.  He brought to me an understanding of the relationship between our needs, strategies, and feelings.  The most inspiring concept for me to learn is that we can be motivated by our innate compassion for ourselves and others rather than by guilt, shame, or fear.


My daily reminder for this concept is provided in the book "Peaceful Living- Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing, and Compassion" by Mary Mackenzie.


Here are some 'NVC' daily reminders as bullet points:We are all equal.
  1. We have the same needs.
  2. Our feelings come from the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of these needs.
  3. Our strategies for meeting these needs can be the sources of frustration, misunderstanding and conflict.
  4. We stand the best chance of resolving our conflicts by recognizing that we are responsible for our actions and choices, by identifying the unmet need through observation without evaluation,  and by making a clear and reasonable request for meeting the need in a way that helps ourselves and others.
Beware of these as they block compassionate communication (whether we are speaking of ourselves or others)

Moralistic Judgments
Making Comparisons
Denial of Responsibility

Marshall Rosenberg and the Center for Nonviolent Communication is worldwide.  I strongly encourage myself and others to dig deeper into their resources and to practice, practice, practice as it takes a lot to loosen the grip of fear, shame, and guilt that have been active for hundreds of years of religious, political, and personal influence.

Click HERE to visit the Nonviolent Communication resource website to watch a video with Marshall Rosenberg, to sign up for their newsletter, to search their extensive library of books (see below for the list I've read, so far, with the lessons I learned - this serves as my personal reminder to pick them back up, because it is SO easy to slip, daily, into my ingrained habits of punishment and reward, guilt, shame and fear.)

Click HERE to visit the Center for Nonviolent Communication website.

My reading list, so far:

Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenber g  This is an in depth description and practical application.
Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids 7 keys to turn family conflict into co-operation,  Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson This one is the biggest challenge for me - connecting with the kids in a brand new way - motivating without punishment or rewards - I am in the middle of this book and I believe it CAN be done, without being permissive OR controlling, but this one is going to take a lot of practice and maybe a role-playing workshop or two - the potential here is worthwhile as I agree that it is a worthwhile endeavor to "create a home where trust thrives and where all needs are respected, to empower children to discover their potential, and to become lifelong contributors to the future of their families, their communities, and our planet"- paraphrased from Rosenberg's forward in the book.
Practical Spirituality, Marshall Rosenberg This book reads like an article and makes the connection of the concept to spirituality.  I think this would be a good introduction into the concept - it is only 25 pages or so.
Peaceful Living daily meditations for living with love, healing, and compassion , Mary Mackenzie  This is a daily practice that helps illustrate how this concept is applicable to everyday situations.  This book helps me have a morning guided meditation that I can wrap my head around and gives me positivity and purpose even in the early morning brain haze.
Raising Children Compassionately , Marshall Rosenberg  This is a 25 page introduction into the application of the concept in parenthood.